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“People who feel like
victims are rarely happy . . . Believing they are mere pawns in the game
of life, they pay attention to only the limitations and hardships . . .
We go around thinking
all the time, I don’t have any choice. Of course we do--we just don’t
want it badly enough to pay the price or haven’t thought creatively
enough how to get it . . .
If we want to be truly
happy, we must take responsibility for our lives and the choices we make
(or choose not to make) . . .”
“You can
bemoan your miserable life. Or you can find ways to shine just where you
are. All it requires is the belief that you can . . .”
--From “The
Happiness Makeover--How to Teach Yourself to be Happy and Enjoy Every
Day,” by
M.J.
Ryan
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“Poor Me.”
We’ve all heard it or
said it one way or another.
“Poor Me.
The world is against me.”
“Poor Me. I
came from a dysfunctional household.”
“Poor Me. No
one will give me what I think I deserve.”
Many physicists believe
the future is formed by the choices we make. The present we are dealing
with today is the creation of choices and actions we made in the past.
When we go
through life in a defense mode, leaving the choices of our lives to
others through inaction, we are not creating a future for ourselves.
“Poor Me” is
making excuses for inaction. “Poor Me” says, “I haven’t been planning
and I don’t intend to.” “Poor Me” is not taking responsibility for the
control we have over our own circumstances and lives. “Poor Me” wants
someone to fix it, or do it for them.
Sound harsh? Well, don’t
strike out at me yet.
I am a
sucker for Poor Me. If Poor Me thinks the world is out to get him, I
want to be his friend. If Poor Me grew up in a dysfunctional household,
I want to hug her and give her love. If Poor Me is poor and can’t pay
her debts, I want to win the lottery to pay off her burden. If Poor Me
lost his job, I want to write him a glowing resume, or dream to start my
own business just so I can hire everyone.
I can also
play Poor Me very well. I cried for 20 minutes while getting ready for
my 20th high school reunion two weekends ago because I was not as
successful (polished, distinguished, graceful, accomplished, rich) as I
had dreamed I would be by now.
Who, for 20
years, has been responsible for my success?
Me.
If you think
the whole world is out to get you, you are perhaps dismissing the fact
that you are not taking responsibility for your own actions, words,
decisions in the present and the past. You are not recognizing that some
how, some way, you are not providing the world with the proper input for
what you want in return.
If you still lament over
the disadvantages of your childhood, you are ignoring the fact that,
every day of your life, you did not make the effort to take charge and
overcome the challenges you were given.
If you are
in debt, stop spending. Recycle, reuse, and clip coupons. Make things
from scratch. Live without air conditioning. Swallow your pride and
sacrifice costly items which are just for show.
If you miss
the romance in your relationship, get romantic. Make time for
communication, be nice and loving; make compromises, commitments. Be
duly grateful for your family, your spouse, children, pets--and their
love.
If you want friends, get
out and make some--and be nice to them, and honest, and kind, and
respectful. Treat people fairly-- without judgment--and help them work
for their own happiness. Serve others. Research studies show happiness
increased 30 percent with greater community action.
If you don’t
have a job, find ways to work--there are seniors out there who need help
around the house or farm, a farmer’s market where former seeds now
produce money, and places that offer free food and money that need
donations and volunteers. There are aluminum cans from here to eternity.
Work for pleasure, joy, happiness, and not money--maybe then, money will
come.
If you have
a situation you can’t control, an environment, influence, area of life
you simply cannot improve--then it’s time to have the courage to make a
change.
In her book,
M.J.
Ryan
says, “Unhappiness is often an important signal for change of some sort
. . . Once you get that message, you’ve got a choice--to keep focusing
on the misery or to take the actions you can to increase contentment and
well-being in yourself and others.”
We are in
charge of our own lives, homes, and neighborhoods. If we are unhappy,
it’s up to us to make an adjustment, improvement, or change. Change
takes courage because change takes work, effort, and discipline. Changes
don’t happen overnight. Change needs constant pushing; and multiple
modifications along the way. You have to take charge, study causes and
effects, and be relentlessly on task.
If you’re
feeling unhappy about something--you are sending yourself a message to
change, and this requires you to give up being a victim and take some
responsibility for your life.
So, do you want to be
happy?
Then say goodbye to Poor
Me.
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