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Deer Diary . . .
Sure Puts A Dent In Your Wallet
by Robin Gordon

Updated on Wednesday*:

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Danny and I pulled out our hunting clothes for the upcoming season. The weather is getting colder. I hope that the temperature change does not put the bucks in “rut” early. If you don’t know what rut is, then go ask your husband, because I am not touching that one.

Let us start at the top. You will need to make sure you have a toboggan, especially if you have blonde hair, since you could be mistaken for a deer--so tuck your hair under that cap. I must admit, I am not a fan of hats. It seems like they make my head itch. I don’t know how Danny can wear those things. I sometimes use a headband though, so my ears will stay warm.

There are a variety of things a person can wear, depending on the weather and what you are most comfortable in. I start out with the trusty old long johns. It is not advisable to dress in one-piece long johns. What if you have to make a quick pit stop? That is a recipe for disaster. Add a couple of shirts over the long johns and a sweatshirt over those (hooded one is optional, but it keeps the wind off your neck).

Next, I dress in camouflaged orange bib overalls. For some reason, I wear camouflaged pants under the bibs. I guess you could say I am “in the zone” when I get all decked out for the big day. Wearing two pair of socks is a must. Gloves are a necessity. When choosing your boots, make sure they are comfortable and have a large amount of Thinsulate--that is what keeps your toes toasty and cozy. A warm coat will keep the frigid air away from your body. Some people use camouflage paint on their face, but I think it clogs your pores and breaks out your face.

Depending on the weather, this attire is subject to change without notice.

Now for a few tricks of the trade that Danny has taught me over the years. Never, I mean never, forget to stash toilet paper in one of your pockets. If you forget to bring t.p. that will be the time you need it the most. “Hot Hands” in your gloves and boots allows you to remain in the woods for a longer period of time. If I get cold, I will walk off the hill, get some hot chocolate, and take a nap.

A fanny pack is useful to carry bottles of water or pop. Your sandwiches may get a little squashed, but at least you aren’t hungry. One more object that I can’t do without is my watch. When you aren’t seeing any deer, it is imperative to keep checking your wrist every 10 minutes, since time goes by when you continue glancing at the clock. Time flies when you are having fun!

Do not forget to wear the amount of orange that is required by law. Danny says I look like an orange camouflaged Michelin Man or even the marshmallow man from “Ghostbusters.” Can I help it that I want to be warm? If you could see my hunting attire, then you would realize that I do not want to be mistaken for a deer. Ok, maybe just Danny’s dear.

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