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Wood Festival 2011 To Hold
First Dullapalozza Contest

by Hap N. Knott


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This year the Calhoun County Wood Festival will host the first annual Dullalapooza contest to be held in West Virginia.

“Dullalapooza is an attempt to bring a little bit of sanity and boredom back into our lives,” said festival spokesman Milque Toast, “We are so over stimulated every day by things in the news and wars overseas, I think it’s important to stop all that for a while so we can all remember what it’s like to be truly bored for several hours.”

Among the topics of tedium already signed up for the contest are; a demonstration of milk tasting, charts breaking down the characteristics of a man’s sneezes over a three year period, a soliloquy on how paint actually dries and the differing shades of color during the process, the various properties of red clay mud during seasonal changes-sticky versus slick and climate change directly proportional to political climate.

“We are scheduling this event for Saturday afternoon through evening,” said a spokesman, “and immediately following, with no warning, will be the fireworks display. We feel that may be the only way to wake people up enough for the drive home.”

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