With ever increasing school budgets looming in the future just to provide counties throughout West Virginia enough money to provide students with safe, modern schools while trying keep classroom size to a minimum, the West Virginia Department of Education is thinking about adopting a radical new plan, the elimination of all county schools and cutting the staff of county school systems to a bare-bones minimum.

“Schools have been around forever,” said a spokesman, “and it is going to be hard to change people’s minds about our proposal, but we believe it will work. It will save large amounts of money while also cutting back on the all of the sickness that children suffer from being enclosed in a classroom with other children who may be ill.”

What is being proposed is that all schools be closed and the property, along with all buses, sold and that every school-aged child in the state be provided a laptop computer where they will attend school, every day, online.

“This means, of course, that we have to get broadband internet service into every corner of every county. That is already happening, in accordance with federal communication mandates, and we are accomplishing this with federal monies.

“Since we will be buying thousands of laptops, we are already getting proposals from computer manufacturers for large discounts. Getting the contract to provide our state with laptops could mean future fortunes and many jobs if a manufacturer can use our success to increase their chance for a contract with a larger state,” said the spokesman.

Each county will hire enough teachers to provide lesson plans for all students and students will be required to log-in each weekday to attend “school.” Students will also be able to attend school at whatever grade level they can complete, so this year’s sophomore could, conceivably, graduate next year if they meet the requirements.

“This could also apply to colleges and universities,” said a spokesman, “The biggest savings, all around, will be in the elimination of administrative staff. They make the highest salaries and consume much of any county’s, or college’s, budget,” said a state spokesman.

So far, the most opposition has come from the teachers union, food and textbook suppliers and the trades unions that build new schools.

One positive aspect being discussed is the creation of many new jobs in the computer support field. Other positive aspects are; no fleet of buses required so no rising fuel costs. No days missed due to bad weather, children can attend school from anywhere even on vacation. Sports will be enjoyed by children of all ages, sizes and abilities since they will be through games such as Madden Football and Tiger Woods Golf as well as many others.

If adopted, the new education plan, called Learning On Laptops (LOL) will begin this fall.            April Fool’s