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Internet 'Spring Cleaning'
Happens This Weekend

by I.B.M. Watson

     

Updated on Wednesday*:

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Be sure to disconnect any and all devices you use to access the internet before you go to bed Saturday night to avoid damage from a planned outage of the World Wide Web to clean up all of the unused electronic flotsam and jetsam.

The IBM corporation, in association with all major computer manufacturers, will be using powerful multi-lingual internet crawling robots to purge inactive ftp, www and gopher sites form the web around the world. IBM has allocated 29 of their now famous ‘Watson’ computers to the project.

Many internet users may have noticed that the web has been running slower lately, and that more and more important emails are being lost or being received without attachments. This is all due to the massive clogging of the internet by spam and rogue websites. This procedure will be like cleaning all of junk on your home computer, only on a worldwide scale.

The companies performing the purge will not be held responsible for damage done to any personal devices, so, be sure to completely disconnect all of your electronic devices. Even your cell phone must be turned off and the battery removed if it has the ability to access the internet.       April Fool’s

 

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