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Your Horrorscope
by Krystal Ball
     

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Taurus - You are under the sign of the bull. This may seem scary to you. Just stay close to the front end and don’t dilly dally.

Aries - You cannot fool Mother Nature, no matter how hard you try. Don’t purchase make up or hair dye. Save your money today.

Gemini - Don’t be naïve today. You will not get a prize if you pick your nose. You can pick your friends, not your nose.

Cancer - You cannot teach an old dog new tricks, so just roll over and play dead. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Leo - Be wary of friends bearing gifts. No matter what they say, you can’t eat toe jam on toast.

Virgo - If you lie with dogs, you will get fleas. Behave yourself and stay out of the dog house today.

Libra - A vacation is in your future. Your boss’ nephew has just moved to town and needs a job.

Scorpio - You will soon get a visit from your mother-in-law. It is a good time to start planning your vacation, as soon as she lets you know the date.

Capricorn - You will be doing some public speaking soon. Don’t be nervous, if you picture the audience in their underwear, just imagine how they will picture you with none.

Aquarius - Gravity has not been kind to you. Now is a good time for a tummy tuck and a face lift. You don’t always have to bring up the rear.

Pisces - Love is in the air, unfortunately so is the pollen. Now would be a good time to stock up on allergy meds, and remember that love is nothing to sneeze at.

Born Today, Apr. 1 - You have always been there for family and friends. Obviously, you were no good at hide-n-seek. You are nobody’s fool, so why are you reading this?

 

 --------------------- April Fools ----------------------

This Week's Editorial:

By Helen Morris:

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