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'Virtual' Vacation
Is Site For Sore Eyes
by M. Becile

Updated on Wednesday*:

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 Internet search engine and computer applications giant, Google, recently beta tested a novel approach to vacationing, virtual vacations using headgear  featuring brainwave technology and optic stimulators called “Googles,” instead of the more traditional term “goggles.”

“By incorporating all of the data we have gathered together for Google Earth and merging that data with three dimensional views of specific cities and parklands around the globe, we have created the dream vacation you can take without leaving home,” said Google spokesperson I.M. Lyon.

Lyon went on to say, “While there are still some bugs to work out, we hope to have this ready for market soon.”

Dr. U. Luke Reeldom, head of the Center for Neurological Studies in Boston, released a statement on Tuesday that said: “I find it interesting that they say they have a ‘few bugs’ to work out with their headgear, since prolonged use appears to cause people to become bug-eyed.”

Some of the subjects questioned by Dr. Reeldom after undergoing the virtual vacations were pleased with the experience, but physical examinations of the subjects showed wearing the eyepieces continuously for more than four days causes temporary damage to the eye muscles and swelling of the eye itself.

“Remember the guy who played Igor in the movie Young Dr. Frankenstein? I believe his name was Marty Feldman. Wear this thing for a week and when you take it off you’ll look just like him,” said Dr. Reeldom. “There were twenty-two test subjects in the lab and I couldn’t look at them without laughing.”

Researchers have not given up on the technology yet, stating that the problem may be due to the system they use to keep the eyes moistened for the entire time. They are also checking into the mental and physical effects of keeping you awake with a cappuccino IV the entire time you are connected to the device.

Sources at the Pentagon declined to comment about whether the software program could be used for virtual spying, although the Army is considering Virtual Boot Camp.

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